Conservative v. Liberal Argument, and the Simple Solution
(1/7/05) - Reading
on the various conservative and liberal websites, you'd
come to the belief that either Billy Bob's got the gun
scope trained on your hippie ass right now from across
the yard, or liberals are even now implementing a diabolical
plot to kill and subjugate conservatives any way they
can. Seriously though people. Liberals are gonna kill
people? With what? Heart power?
"Liberals unite! Form of... welfare
Really, all these sites give this
very impression. I believe that Stan Goff was right.
Liberals should be out collecting guns too. That way
everyone can stop pretending. We all just want to kill
each other anyways. This whole 'logic' and 'reasoned
debate' thing is just getting to be exhausting.
Never fear. I'm here to give you
the clearest and best course of action, since no one's
gonna win that stupid argument about aborting the Electoral
I give you the TVS. TOTAL
Both sides get to come together
and build their very own Voltron. Before you get into
the "Wait! Don't you know that there are different viewpoints
within each party?" just listen in. Just like the various
lions for arms and shit, differing factions within each
party get different parts. Someone's got to want the
pink lion. Then, Red Voltron fights Blue Voltron, and
the whole world gets to watch. It's free for us to watch,
but the rest of the world has to pay viewing fees to
get in on all this badass robot action. Make them subsidize
our retardation. And, those corporate donors don't even
have to hide anymore. They get to plaster their logos
proudly on their side's Voltron just like in NASCAR.
Election night would fucking RULE!
No more recounts!
The winner, as well as ruling
the country for the next four years, gets to Voltron
Mega-Arm fling one hundred of the opposing sides citizens
at Russia, or China, or just pick your favorite country.
Or, we could just fling them up in the air and see if
the Missile Defense System will pick 'em off. Save some
money on testing.
This not only definitively proves
our technological and military might (without having
to invade small countries full of brown people), it
also cuts government costs and reinforces to the world
that we're absolutely insane. There is no greater deterrent.
Oh yeah, and raining chunks of flesh make for great
It's our American right, cause
our Voltron is bigger than yours.
** If I wasn't so
lazy and had access to graphics tools, you'd see a big
picture of Voltron pointing a human-sized cannon
at Senator Barbara Boxer on the floor of the Senate.
There might have even been some pithy caption saying,
"Dispute this result, fucker," but there isn't so get
over it. **