Two European Thanksgivings (11/21/04)

Have I been here that long? Does anybody actually give a crap? Neither do I.

Education? Well. Here it goes.

I always noticed white trash spread across our great nation like unsavory marmite scraped over some burnt toast always kind of look physically similar. You know. Like a real skinny, drunk, violent guy living with a big fat disgustin cow of a woman only capable of pissing and moaning. Well, after over a year in the UK, I think those folks probably just have a solid English and Welsh bloodline. Cardiff is kind of like a big trailer park with kebab shops and a bowling alley. Yeah, there's some quality people there but a whole lot of culture too if you catch my meaning.

Norway? Let me put my education to light with this story. It took me 10 years to get out of the South. You probably might relate. Texans that is. You don't have any friends outside of the massive state, you don't have any friends with the money or inclination to peel their asses out of their seat and take an aimless road trip just to get out and you don't have any purpose to travel to another town.

So I finally make a friend from Minneapolis and she decides she's giving the finger to Texas and heading home. I guess she wasn't expecting any reaction from my typically morbid self, but my eyes lit up and I screamed, "Can I come visit you?" She didn't seem to understand. I was eager just to see overpasses that might look a little different.

The point to this story is about the folks there in the Midwest. Me and this girl went to a friend's apartment before going to a party. Fifteen of us sat in a furnitureless living room for nearly two hours with no radio on, no tv, no libation and no fucking conversation. Generally Southerners seem to be a chatty, friendly folk even if they're talking about something so boring you want to gouge your ears out with a dull pencil, but try and attempt some goddamn conversation and this living room scene put me in utter amasement.

Later on at the party, I asked the girl, "What the hell just happened back there?" "What'd'ya mean?" "We sat there blinking at each other for nearly two fucking hours with nobody saying anything. Just passing around a kid's coloring book. What the hell?"

It took a while before she seemed to understand why I was so confused and her response was that, "Here, if nothing's going on we just accept it and wait."

I was speechless. If nothing is going on, you can start doing SOMETHING and then more than nothing IS going on. But hey. It's a cultural difference and the folks here in Norway act just the same. Some cool people that party down when they got a couple down their gullets but just sit there as I shoot off a gun in their apartment and they respond with, "I think I'm gonna take a nap."

God I need to go home. I took the train to Minnesota. I liked it but after giving way to every single freight train and seeing my second sunset from the smoking car I was ready to get off in fucking Iowa.

Yep. Two Thanksgivings in Europe. Somebody offer me a job soon or I'm gonna take out a loan, buy that anti-aircraft gun at Just Guns, mount it on my F150, get my dog and take a tour of Texas newspaper offices. Fucking hell!

Alright. Time to eat fish eggs from a tube on crackers. I can't even afford to get drunk here and I came to a place with cheap girls and a girlfriend. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Hating retardation.




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