Holy shit does the Young Heart Attack
make me fear the future:
8/24/04 - I am aware this page should not be referred to as
"NEWS" and should rightfully be titled "BITCH
LOG" or something like that, but this will be remedied
soon and Smithers is the only jag off that reads this shit
anyhow. Most likely. Not that I don't love you Smithers, but
you are a piece of shit.
I went to see the Young Heart Attack from Austin, Texas last
night at Cardiff's Barfly. I'm not proud of it, to quote Bill,
but it's been ages since I've seen a rock show and figured,
"maybe I just thought they sucked the times I saw them
in Austin because I was too snooty and spoiled by seeing bands
all the time." I wish this was the reality.
I convinced my roommate to go because he wasn't doing anything
but playing Super Bust A Move and because the only thing I
could specifically remember about them is that they suck,
they're old, and they've got two pretty hot back up singers
with big jublees that bounce up and down through the whole
set. He was sold.
They weren't bad to start with and would've even been good
if they just would've stoped playing after, say, 45 fucking
minutes. It doesn't take a brainstud to realize you guys watched
MTV to try and figure out what's cool at present, listen to
your MC5 records a billion times, write one basic song and
rehash it twenty times to fill a set, to realize, that's your
band. Fine. Musicians rip each other off all the time. German
Beef Initiative frequently played Phil Collins and ABBA songs,
but let's move on.
It was the off-stage show that was amazing and I'd like to
thank the bands for boosting my self-esteem. The opening act
was incredible on and off stage. I can see why they're on
tour with the YHA. They all got the same fashion mullet hairdo
at Toni & Guy. The singer boy from, I think they were
called Glitterati, was about 5'6'' and aside from them sounding
like Odin (well, not that good) from "The Decline of
Western Civilization - The Metal Years", singer boy gave
us all a good puzzle: is he an American falling out of a British
accent or a Brit falling out of an American one?
We were never able to tell and immediately after he jumped
off stage, he began to make out with two Nancy Spungen-looking
hoochies right at the bar for all of us to observe, whether
we wanted to or not because some of us needed to get drunk
to forget that we'd paid 8 quid to watch this shit, that Napolean
Dumbass can score ho's. You go remedial boy!
On the way out, I went to drain before making the hike home.
It was a painful and horrifying experience that will haunt
me along with the most horrid beer goggle experiences.
While I squeezed to get the three pints out, the bald guitarist
from YHA was in egomania overdrive as some dumbshit told him
how much ass he kicked and the guitar boy told him that he
has to respect his parents. It's very important to respect
your folks kids.
In spite of my better intentions, I felt compelled to immediately
return home to call my mom and tell her she's an ugly, inbred
bitch and that I know I was conceived by an Indian alcoholic
in a trailer park in BFE Oklahoma. She cried but I think she
understood it was what I had to do to save my soul.
Why the fuck do no-talent rip-off jag-offs like this make
it out of Austin onto MTV in Britain and get to tour Europe
while Hit by a Car struggles to get a gig in Shreveport? I
just don't get it.
If you want to read an article on how, right, "After
a few gigs they became the biggest band in Austin" then
click HERE.
It's actually amazing. I wasn't aware that for the last eight
years in Austin, I must've been living in a goddamn cave because
I thought there was a consensus among the indy, emofag, and
punk scene in Austin that these guys suck ass and that's why
they frequently grace the middle-aged stage along with the
8&1/2 Souvenirs at the Continental Club.
Anyhow. I'm obviously not a fan. That's why I live in a cave.
Thanks for the self-esteem guys.
Back to pretending to work.
