Holy shit does the Young Heart Attack make me fear the future:

8/24/04 - I am aware this page should not be referred to as "NEWS" and should rightfully be titled "BITCH LOG" or something like that, but this will be remedied soon and Smithers is the only jag off that reads this shit anyhow. Most likely. Not that I don't love you Smithers, but you are a piece of shit.

I went to see the Young Heart Attack from Austin, Texas last night at Cardiff's Barfly. I'm not proud of it, to quote Bill, but it's been ages since I've seen a rock show and figured, "maybe I just thought they sucked the times I saw them in Austin because I was too snooty and spoiled by seeing bands all the time." I wish this was the reality.

I convinced my roommate to go because he wasn't doing anything but playing Super Bust A Move and because the only thing I could specifically remember about them is that they suck, they're old, and they've got two pretty hot back up singers with big jublees that bounce up and down through the whole set. He was sold.

They weren't bad to start with and would've even been good if they just would've stoped playing after, say, 45 fucking minutes. It doesn't take a brainstud to realize you guys watched MTV to try and figure out what's cool at present, listen to your MC5 records a billion times, write one basic song and rehash it twenty times to fill a set, to realize, that's your band. Fine. Musicians rip each other off all the time. German Beef Initiative frequently played Phil Collins and ABBA songs, but let's move on.

It was the off-stage show that was amazing and I'd like to thank the bands for boosting my self-esteem. The opening act was incredible on and off stage. I can see why they're on tour with the YHA. They all got the same fashion mullet hairdo at Toni & Guy. The singer boy from, I think they were called Glitterati, was about 5'6'' and aside from them sounding like Odin (well, not that good) from "The Decline of Western Civilization - The Metal Years", singer boy gave us all a good puzzle: is he an American falling out of a British accent or a Brit falling out of an American one?

We were never able to tell and immediately after he jumped off stage, he began to make out with two Nancy Spungen-looking hoochies right at the bar for all of us to observe, whether we wanted to or not because some of us needed to get drunk to forget that we'd paid 8 quid to watch this shit, that Napolean Dumbass can score ho's. You go remedial boy!
On the way out, I went to drain before making the hike home. It was a painful and horrifying experience that will haunt me along with the most horrid beer goggle experiences.

While I squeezed to get the three pints out, the bald guitarist from YHA was in egomania overdrive as some dumbshit told him how much ass he kicked and the guitar boy told him that he has to respect his parents. It's very important to respect your folks kids.
In spite of my better intentions, I felt compelled to immediately return home to call my mom and tell her she's an ugly, inbred bitch and that I know I was conceived by an Indian alcoholic in a trailer park in BFE Oklahoma. She cried but I think she understood it was what I had to do to save my soul.

Why the fuck do no-talent rip-off jag-offs like this make it out of Austin onto MTV in Britain and get to tour Europe while Hit by a Car struggles to get a gig in Shreveport? I just don't get it.

If you want to read an article on how, right, "After a few gigs they became the biggest band in Austin" then click HERE. It's actually amazing. I wasn't aware that for the last eight years in Austin, I must've been living in a goddamn cave because I thought there was a consensus among the indy, emofag, and punk scene in Austin that these guys suck ass and that's why they frequently grace the middle-aged stage along with the 8&1/2 Souvenirs at the Continental Club.

Anyhow. I'm obviously not a fan. That's why I live in a cave.

Thanks for the self-esteem guys.

Back to pretending to work.


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